Turning Points

On my first blog entry I mentioned that a stressful two year relationship ended. I love long relationships. My relationship prior to that lasted for almost four years. It did not end because we stopped loving each other, but because his work got in the way. And yes, I thought I found someone that would be able to fill his place.

In spite of not being together, we remained good friends. He's that one person here on Earth who has protected me through everything. Sometimes over protecting me. He's the only person to whom I can cry my heart out. For every misery and heartbreak that I've been through after our relationship, he had been there for me. I can say that I've been comfortable with the fact that he's always there to pick me up every time I fall down.

I thought things will always remain the way it used to be. Every time I'm asking him if he has found someone else to love, his reply would be no. But things are bound to change. I have Learned from a common friend that he has someone special in his life right now. And suddenly I can't breathe. It seems that the world has stopped revolving.

I was surprised with myself. I kept asking why I am feeling so miserable. I never thought that I would feel so hollow inside when that glimmer of hope inside him fades and decided to let go. The heavy feeling inside me felt heavier. I am able to endure and survive the hardships because I know that somewhere in this cruel world, there's someone like him that truly loves me. But then even that is gone now.

With this recent event, I realized various things. I realized that I feel so bad because we truly had a good four years together. I realized that I loved him more. I realized that somewhere in the remote corner of my heart, I still hope that it would be the two of us. That our love for each other will lead us back to the way it was before. That now I regret letting go of that someone I cannot bear to see being held by someone else.

However, I had made the most important realization. That this is the turning point for both of us. I have to learn on how to let go of him. I have to figure out on how to cry without him. I have to endure the pain brought by his absence.

We have to make ourselves move on. I hope he has started to. Because right now I am still stranded on that same ground two years ago when I hurt him. I have to make myself move on.

It's funny how sometimes we surprise even our own selves. One stressful event led to a major turning point. I hope he can read this. To you, my protector, my confidante, my friend, my great love: It's your time to be happy. You deserve to be happy. Don't worry about me. As one of my friends told me, I am a fighter. I won't hold back my tears but believe me, I am happy for you. Thank you for a wonderful six years full of loving memories, exchange of knowledge and realizations. Now, I must face tomorrow truly on my own.